Strategies... Learn New Ways To Achieve Your Goals
Written by Julie Taylor
Learn New Ways to Achieve Your Goals - Strategies That Work...
"If you can't handwrite: type.
If you can't run: walk..."
If you need help learning to put together your language again so you can communicate fluently, click here...
My Dad was full of sayings that I learned as a small child (and deliberately ignored when I was in my teens!) and that helped me no end later. One of these sayings is "where there's a will there's a way". I learned the hard way that that is so true...
I was lucky in that I was still in my twenties - and not too set in my ways - when I had my major trauma. Doctors told me I was the 'perfect age' - between 25 and 35... Just a narrow window of time. I found that I became less naturally flexible as years went by.
To find some new ways to do everyday things and to achieve your goals and build a good life now - with short cuts and new strategies - to make your life smoother and better, read on.
Life is all about strategy. People do it. Armies do it. Countries do it. We all do it - to get from point (a) to point (b) in the quickest and most efficient way. In the struggle for the survival of the fittest. To win.
It's also commonly known as getting what we want... Very quickly babies and children learn what behaviour gets them what they want. As adults we already have 'templates' of behaviour that worked 'pre-trauma' and we find it difficult to set those templates aside and learn new ways...
“At what point do I start looking for new ways to do things. It's like an admission of failure?” It’s a very interesting question – I suspect that in many ways, naturally, you are already finding ways? And I don't see it as an admission of failure. Just an acceptance of the need to change and be flexible.
Once we actually speak the words ‘finding new ways’ consciously, we are making an admission of our disability, to ourselves and to the world. We are admitting that we need to find new ways because we are no longer able to do things in the same old ways. That admission may not be comfortable for you? However, if you were to suddenly wake up as you were before your trauma one day, you could just go back to the strategies you used before... Still, change can be downright scary...
As ReBuilders we have to change - start over and rebuild. I had trouble with that as I found it hard being told what to do the first time round (as a kid)! That was the first hurdle! Once I had accepted that I had to make some changes, the rest came more easily. A site like this would have made things even easier - and way quicker - for me as I was not able to read what helped for other people and give a try for myself. At the end of this section is a list of tips from other people who have had to rebuild after their own traumas. Not all of them will be attractive - or work - for you. I found it very useful to read them though.
Before we start and go any further, I thought I would add these words - summing up the beauty and reality of living in the moment - and naturally embracing change. A few lines of one of my favourite songs by choir master Eric Dozier - called Today are as follows: (if you would like to share a 'lovely few minutes' with me, click on the word today in the last line, then 'choir parts' and scroll down to 'Today, full mix' and close your eyes and listen for a couple of minutes...)
Today, if we're blessed to see it.
Today, just reach out and seize it.
Don't let your sunshine slip away.
Trials and tribulations, something that will always be
That's just a part of life, that everyone has to see
Hold on. Be strong. Stand still. Plant your weary feet
There's a blessing in Today.
And I know you want to see things change
Cos they're not the way they're supposed to be
But if you want to see a change
You got to be the change
In this world, that you hope to see
And it starts right now. Today.
I didn't 'get' that life was fleeting and precious and that disease and accidents happen to all of us - including me... I sort of knew it. I'm sure at least one adult somewhere had actually said it to me (if not hundreds!) and I just never heard. It went straight over my head and I never really considered that I might not always be healthy and strong, at any age. As a teenager I felt that I was immortal! I certainly never considered that I might not have perfect health into a ripe old age! Mostly I saw others of my own age, who were healthy, and I really didn't think of the complete cycle of life.
The truth is that we really do have to live life, one day at a time. Both when we are in perfect health and also when we're not. Sounds obvious, but I know that to me it wasn't... On the other hand, not worrying about such things may have been a bonus? I have always just 'leaped in' and tackled life. My dad (and probably everyone elses too!) always cautioned me that "if something is worth doing, it's worth doing well". Anyway... what I'm trying to say here is that I think a little reflection is a good thing but a big part of me believes that we need to "just reach out and seize it". All of 'it'. Life...
The other active builders in life are children. Children never stop to ask questions… They just charge ahead, full throttle! Both in normal development and after hospitalization, children adapt naturally and search out – through play - the best way to do a task. Kids don’t waste energy or judge themselves (or the task) or question how and why they did it. They never worry about when they should consider changing the way they do things. They just do it! What an inspiration! The other thing they seem to do naturally (often infuriating their parents!) is to make a game out of every single task they are set. Which leads to practice – and so improvement – and also contributes greatlyto their sense of joy.
It’s also very useful to brainstorm with a group of other people who have recently survived life-threatening traumas and collectively pool ‘other ways’ discoveries. I was lucky to be part of such a group where we each moved around the room writing our ‘tips’ on wallboards under various headings. I want to share those with you and there will be a link here soon.
I would also like to invite you to send in your tips which I can add to the pile! (Let me know if you would like me to add your first name or whether you would rather remain anonymous.)
